Friday 28 March 2008

Easter Weekend Holidays

We left the boat & the never ending list of jobs & headed for a “land” holiday! The fact we were heading for Fiji's only sand beach break at a river mouth may have tempted Bobby to leave Barraveigh!
Getting there with two surf boards on a bank holiday with no local buses running makes it a challenge. We hitch hiked to Lautoka where we caught the intercity bus to Sigatoka. Now just the small matter of trying to wedge the surf boards into the small lockers under the bus!
Our accommodation at Club Masa, by Sigatoka's sand dunes, was basic to say the least. One of those places upon setting foot in it you wonder how long before you can leave. Sometimes they quickly grow on you & you fall in love with the place. Once we had patched up the holes in the mozzie net with plasters we were happy! A small wobble on Bobby's smile when he was told that the only place he could buy a cold beer was back in town a 30min taxi ride away!! ; )
Club Masa had no electric, hence no fridge, no inside shower, no hot water & the worst food I have eaten in a long time (Gilly you are a chef in comparison!!!). However it was quiet, peaceful, beautiful views & full of friendly locals (we were the only guests in a hangout for the local surfers at the village). Horses & cattle wandered freely around the lodges grounds, minor prob when they went on a stampede & stood on a local guys surf board! Frogs came out at night & joined you in your room & in the toilet! But we still loved it!
We ate our meals in the dining room looking out of three arched windows, the shutters were open giving a fabulous view of the sand dunes. It was also a great position as we could throw out our meals to the owners puppy, Fiji. It was a win win situation for all, the dog got fed, we didn't offend anyone as it looked like we loved our dinner, although maybe that's why they kept serving us the same meal each day - a smashed up chicken which included all bones & skin (although the pieces were now no bigger than an inch long!) some curry sauce & a huge bowl of rice!
The evenings were spent playing cards by oil lamp or drinking cava with the locals. I still dislike it & think it tastes like the water left over from washing potatoes - a cold G&T would be far more welcome! When the hunger & need for a cold drink got too much we headed into town.
The surfing was a no go for me. Huge clean waves, but before you even got there you had to get past a shore break. The current was so strong you were quickly down the other end of the beach & I lost all my nerve! Oh did I mention you had to dodge huge logs that are flowing down the river into the sea & that sharks like to feed at river mouths! Yep I think I made the right choice taking up position on the beach in the shade. This meant trying to hide under a branch that had been washed up on the beach!
Bobby got back into his surfing ways after 6 months off. He surfed with the locals who were on boards of all conditions. Some didn't have leashes as the end of the board was in bits, others were missing fins & had holes in them. Bobby spent a morning as the surf doctor helping repairing their boards!
All in all we loved our holiday away from Barraveigh but were also happy to get back home to her!

Tuesday 25 March 2008

The Yanks!

Apologies for the delay but Bobby has had me chained to the boat making mosquito nets for all the hatches & sewing more pockets!!

Actually if I’m honest, writing this is not something that has been easy to do. Being a Brit, plus the fact I know many Americans read this site & I don't know you personally, its been a little hard to openly “take the piss” so bear with my British sarcasm & take it all with a pinch of salt ; )
Like Bobby I’m making my disclaimer at the beginning- very American! These are my observations of Bobby & his fellow American cruisers. It will not encompass you all & I’m fully aware Bobby is his own species!! Some have been confirmed by my fellow countrymen & women, whilst others were discovered after big disagreements in the early days, before finally working out they boiled down to cultural differences…. now we just argue but at least we know why!! ; )

1. Americans don’t do subtle. It has to be in your face. Bobby wanted a flag for the boat. Does he buy one in proportion to the size of the flag pole? No, its extra big & almost the size of the sails!

2. Meat is necessary in EVERY meal & not just a little meat. A whole pig must be placed between two slices of bread to make a ham sandwich (for those of you that know Bobby, this is then followed by an entire bottle of American mustard). It will be interesting to see how Bobby survives next year as we have no tinned (canned for you yanks) chicken & the corned beef over here is pretty bad so after a few days out at sea we will be out of meat.

3. They require loads of praise when something has been achieved. A quick pat on the back, “well done old chap” will not suffice. I have resorted to following my “Well done” with a “Was that enough?” Equally, I run & hide if he starts giving more compliments than I, the stiff upper lipped Brit, require.

4. When speaking about a person, who is in their presence, to a third person, Americans will refer to that person as “she” or “he”. Brits deem this as rude & the phrase “Who am I? The cats mother?” is often repeat to us as children to ensure we use the persons name.

5. Americans do not say “Please”. They ask for something (without saying please), they receive it & then they say “thank you”. We Brits are over polite, we say please & thank you. Can you see how the arguments began!! ; )

6. Life revolves around food. I’m not sure how much of this is down to Bobby who will eat every hour of the day & drives me up the wall, or cruisers who discuss where they can buy certain foods. One thing I know for sure is that it doesn’t mater whether you are from the east or west coast you are all hooked on your Mexican food & discussions about Mexican restaurants & the last time you ate Mexican food continue all night!

7. You love your sports & are very competitive but you are not so gracious when it comes to losing. We the Brits, can pride ourselves in being good sports, but I feel this maybe as a result of having much more experience with loss, especially due to our National football (soccer) teams. Bobby’s way of ensuring he doesn’t lose is to only play games that he is likely to win, if I start winning - we are no longer allowed to play!

8. We love people watching & guessing what countries they come from. Spotting the American is pretty easy. It’s a cliché but true, your white trainers & baseball hats stand out a mile, although the Ozzies are giving you a run for your money.

It has been fun to see how the British can transform themselves after a couple of hundred years on their own continent & you have done quite well. (was that enough praise??!!)

Suzi – the English Rose

Tuesday 11 March 2008

The English!

Back in 1991 I lived in Britain for 3 months. One of my first memories is a sign permanently tiled into the wall of a restaurant next to the entrance. It read, “No Prams Allowed.” I thought to myself, “These Brits are very open about their racism. Now who the hell are the Prams?” Turns out, a pram is a baby stroller and the Brits are really rather tolerant. What’s it like living with an English girl? I know it’s completely unlike me, but I’ve compiled a list. I’m not sure how many of the following observations are based on gender differences or Suzi oddities, but I’m going to go with the broad generality that they encompass all British people worldwide.

1. When walking on a crowded street they want to swerve to the left and I to the right.
2. They hate to admit their wrong. “Oh yea – well that would work too.”
3. They believe that if your stomach gets cold you will catch diarrhea – Once you have it, forget the proper meds, just don’t eat for 24 hours.
4. They leave soap bubbles on the dishes after they wash them. They don’t believe a final rinse is beneficial. This is probably the real reason they have diarrhea.
5. They don’t gush. Stiff upper lip and all. “Good job. Well done.” That’s the most you will get in the name of a compliment.
6. They like high calorie food because it helps with survival when you come from a frozen island. Here in the tropics, it just puts the pounds on a person.
7. Their women (Suzi, her friends & family excluded) have more bird faces than any other nation. I don’t even use the word “Britain”. I refer to it as “The Island of Bird Faced Women”
8. They make great tv shows. Do yourself a favor and watch the following: Extras, The Office, Life on Mars
9. They have refined their language into inaudible murmurs. They are the only people on the planet who can whisper & mumble at the same time. It’s either that, or the shrill chicken accent, which will drive you to put an ice pick in your ears. They invented the language, the Scots screwed it blue and we perfected it. Very rarely do English speakers of any nation say that they can’t understand the Yanks. That’s not so for the rest of our English speaking cousins.
10. They leave room for the letter "r", they just don't pronounce it.

Here are some translations:

1. “Pants” means “Bad”
2. “Trousers” are “Pants”
3. “Phaff” or “Palava” means “Hassle”
4. “Jammy” means “Lucky”
5. A “Numpty” is an “Idiot”
6. “Got the ‘ump”, “the strop” or “being narky” means “being moody”
7. “A Sirrup” is “A Wig”
8. “Chav” means “Tacky”
9. When something is “Naff” it means it’s “No good”
10. “Tatt” is “Junk”
11. “Dappy” means “A bit clumsy”
12. They never say “The hospital” it’s just “Hospital”
13. If you are “Poorly” it means you are “not feeling well”
14. They say “Leads”, we say “Cables” or “Cords”
15. “Catarrh” is “Flem” – no joke, I actually saw that on a box of cold medicine
16. “Yonks” means “A long time”
17. “Squwiff” means “Askew, curvy, not straight”
18. “Bubble and Squeak” means “Left over food”
19. “Porkies” are “Lies”
20. “Squiffy” means “Tipsy” – Careful, it’s easy to confuse this one with “Squwiff”
21. “Pips” are “Seeds”
22. If something is “Pete Tong”, that means it’s “All screwed up” – this is one of my favs but I think it derives from Cockney rhyming slang.

I’m guessing Microsoft has to use a very different dictionary in their Word program so that the above words aren’t underlined in red. Remember, I’ve been accruing these from Suzi for more than a year, and new ones still pop up. I don’t know who said it but it’s true that “We are 2 cultures divided by a common language.”

Now go out and find a narky Brit who’s poorly and take them to hospital. Be careful that the chav numpty doesn’t spit in a squwiff manner and get catarrh on your trousers. That would be pants because you might become poorly and then everything would be Pete Tong for yonks. What a right palava that would be!

- American Bob -

Monday 10 March 2008

we need you!!

Yep we need your help!
We have found ourselves a pet. The tiniest gecko ever! He (or she!) is about an inch long & has the cutest feet. He has joined the official crew list on Barraveigh & has been given the task of eating all the bugs on the boat. By feasting on all the mosquitoes we are hoping he will become huge & save us from being eaten alive! Haven't seen him since we set him free in the v berth a few days ago...hope he's ok & I haven't squashed him!!
We need your help with a name. Bobby & I cannot agree on what suits him!
Click on the envolope at the end of this message to add your suggestions!

Wednesday 5 March 2008

Bula!

I made it! I'm back in Fiji! Very nearly didn't get out of Australia! Probably won't surprise my family as my flights never seem to run smoothly! Air Pacific would not let me on the fight without an onward or a return ticket. Total panic but finally got it rectified by purchasing a refundable ticket, (if you can call it that! Once they have taken off all their charges there isn't much that comes back!) Finally made it onto the plane & guess who is on the front cover of Air Pacific inflight magazine.....ME!!!
I know its not quite Vogue but hey every model has to start somewhere! It was very surreal walking onto the plane & seeing photos of myself but it was fun, although unfortunately not enough to get an upgrade! Offered to do a free signing session but there wasn't much of a queue! ; ) Its pretty cool though & the boat is now weighed down with all the copies I took off the plane!

It feels good to be back on board Barraveigh. Bobby has spent a lot of time cleaning her up & she is looking really good. We have an air conditioning unit so its a lovely temperature, unlimited fresh water & power, plus showers & internet – life just can't get better! I head out for a daily run every morning before the sun gets too hot. I'm trying to start this year healthier both physically & mentally. Plus its so much fun, the Fijians & Indians are so friendly. They are all waving & shouting “Good Morning” as I run past. I hope my wave & smile are ok as its all I can muster in this heat with the sweat pouring off me!